If there's anything that's certain in life, it's uncertainty. From the moment we're born, we learn to live with various types of uncertainty by believing we somehow have control over the randomness of the world in which we live. But the truth is, even the most predictable things aren't always certain. Plans change. Things happen. Power dynamics shift. And when they do, all those things we once relied on as absolute certainties change, and we feel as if the earth is slipping beneath our feet.
Learning to make friends with uncertainty — or at least accept it with minimal stress — can help when the world seems unpredictable and off-kilter. It's a difficult-to-accept fact that we have very little control over anything in the world. The only thing we can control is ourselves. So, in order to be mentally healthy, we need strategies and tools for dealing with uncertainty so we can stay sane in an insane world.
Remember That Everything Is Temporary
Change is a constant in the universe, no matter how much we wish it weren't so. Often, change is absolutely necessary to disrupt beliefs and systems that don't work for us. But with change, especially radical change, comes uncertainty, which can feel so uncomfortable. It can shatter our illusions of control and make us realize that what we thought was solid and constant was always an illusion.
And change is absolutely going to happen. It happens all the time, all around us, in big and small ways. And that ongoing tide of change brings with it another truism: nothing is permanent. Everything in life — everything — is temporary. Permanance is always an illusion, and the more we can understand and remember that, the more comfortable we can become with uncertainty. Why? Because this, too, shall pass. This period of uncertainty — whatever it is — is just as temporary as anything else. By making friends with the impermanent nature of the universe, we can learn to be more relaxed during periods of uncertainty, knowing that change is always on the horizon. If you learn to accept the temporary nature of everything, then you can also learn to be more present so you can enjoy each moment before it passes.
Focus on What You Can Control
We operate under the illusion of control. It makes us feel better to believe that we are in control of so many things, when really we are only in control of how we react to stuff and the choices we make. During unpredictable times, it's totally understandable to try to control more things, but the hard truth is that you can't. You have no control over what other people do, think, or say. You have no control over politics, religion, education, healthcare, or any of the systems that exist in order to make our society function. And while you have a modicum of control over things like your health through the choices you make, you also have no control over how your very complex biological body reacts to things in your environment.
It's stressful to try and control all the things around you and all the people you interact with. It can be harmful to your well-being and relationships when you attempt to do so. So just like you can make friends with temporariness, you can also find peace in releasing control. Making that choice can bring instant relief because you're no longer wasting your time and energy on things that you never could control, even if you thought you could. And that time and energy you reclaim can better serve you by putting it into the things you can control, like making healthy choices, nurturing relationships, or finding meaningful activities.
Related: Liminal Spaces: 10 Tips to Make the Most of the In-Between
Take a Break From Doomscrolling
This is my #1 coping mechanism when the world seems to be engulfed in madness. I stay off social media — especially first thing in the morning. And when I do check in? I take a quick peek and avoid the endless doomscroll. It's not about burying my head in the sand. It's about protecting my mental health and providing myself with a way to stay in a calmer and more peaceful space.
Social media (and other forms of doomscrolling) have become such a part of the fabric of our lives that we fail to realize how deeply they can affect us. Even when we wake up feeling pretty good about life, a few minutes of doomscrolling first thing in the morning can make everything feel just that much more difficult, and it can definitely wipe out any positivity we happened to wake up with. So skip the doomscroll — particularly first thing in the morning and just before going to sleep — to protect your mental health. Spend the time doing something that makes you feel good instead.
While You're at It, Reconsider the Media You Consume
We spend way too much time consuming media, and we're most likely (thanks, in large part, to algorithms) to consume media that is most aligned with our belief system or a more extreme version of our belief system. What's wrong with that, you ask? Well, it creates the illusion of a bigger divide than there actually is. It demonizes people who don't believe, think, or live like you and makes heroes and martyrs of people who do. It turns very nuanced issues into bold black and white arguments that proclaim to know what's right and what's wrong. And it catastrophizes anything that isn't 100% the way one side would like it to be while brushing any shortcomings or failings of that side under the rug. It's pretty darn stressful, and it's hard to winnow out the truth.
I'm not suggesting that you bury your head in the sand and avoid knowing what's happening in the world (although if that feels good to you, it's definitely okay to take a media break to protect your mental health). Instead, what I'm suggesting is balancing the media you consume. Avoid consuming media sources that create an echo chamber of your own ideology and instead look for more neutral sources. And only do that for long enough to understand the day's news. Then, move on to other forms of media that you enjoy. Look for positive programming (it does exist) or read materials that make you feel good. Shut your computer, turn off the TV, ignore your devices, and instead do something that lifts your spirits. Watch a classic movie. Listen to music you love. Get outside and touch the earth.
Examine Your Thoughts
If you have been — through no fault of your own — living in an echo chamber of your own beliefs (most of us do!), then actually examining your thoughts is important. Echo chambers can make us super judgy and reactive because we seldom have the full picture. And that can lead us to make some pretty big leaps to conclusions that, while they may seem true to us, actually aren't. This is a totally human reaction, by the way. We all do it, and the antidote is examining our own thoughts and beliefs and questioning their truth.
You can do this in any way that works for you — journaling, talk therapy, discussing it with a neutral friend. Or you can try what works for me, something called The Work from author Byron Katie. I started doing it years ago, and it's life-changing. Basically, to examine your judgments, you ask yourself a few simple questions and then do what's called a turnaround. . You can also try to question your thoughts using to help gain more insight and perspective.
Do Something Meaningful
Spend some of that time and energy you've reclaimed doing something meaningful to you. It can be as simple as spending time with loved ones or as altruistic as volunteering for a cause that matters to you. Make meaningful activity a regular part of your life. It will help you reclaim some of your lost sense of control and give you something to focus on other than all the uncertainty that surrounds you.
Remember All the Times You've Made It Through Something Hard
Here's your friendly reminder that you can do hard things. You've done hard things all your life, and if you're here reading this right now, you've survived every single one of them. Remember all the hard things you've done, focusing on how you've made the best of challenging situations and recognizing that just as you got through those things, you'll get through these, too.
Stop Worrying
My dad (a high school counselor) used to say that 98% of the things you worried about last year didn't happen. And while I don't know if that statistic is true () because you never know exactly what's happening in people's heads, the point is that worry is wasted energy. And worrying never changes the outcome. It just gives us the illusion of control that we never had in the first place.
Imagine how much more peaceful your life would be if you stopped worrying and just went with the flow. As a (mostly) reformed worrier, I can tell you that even dropping about half of the things I used to worry about has made me a much calmer, happier, more peaceful person, even when the world seems the most chaotic.
Get Support if You Need It
I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's absolutely okay to reach out for support. Talk to friends or family. Join a support group. Engage in a form of spirituality that's meaningful to you and seek support there. Consider talk therapy. All of these options are okay — there is no shame in asking for help, and there are a ton of benefits. You don't have to shoulder any burden alone, ever. We're all in this together, and there are people who care and can help.
Try Not to Think Too Far Into the Future
This one is hard, I get it. But it's a lot like the worrying one. When you're projecting into the future (or stewing about the past, for that matter), you're not being present, and you're usually spinning your wheels. It's another way to feel like we're in control, but what it usually ends up doing is stressing us out and stealing our peace. Instead, keep your focus on the present. Breathe. Touch grass. Go for a hike. Pet a cat. Hug a friend. Smell a flower. These small things can help us to stay tethered and prevent us from spiraling about something over which we have no control anyway.
Protect Your Peace
There's no doubt that we live in a chaotic world. During times of uncertainty, we can feel unmoored from all the things that we once believed to be true and stressed about all the things we fear could happen. And there's nobody in this world that can protect your peace other than you. You are the keeper of your peace, and you owe it to yourself to find a way to become an oasis of calm in the midst of chaos. These tips can help because you deserve peace.
